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Coping with grief
Caring for yourself
Supporting someone who has lost a loved one
Checklist following an unexpected death
Suicide Loss
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If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide, please contact the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You are not alone.

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Coping with grief

Grief after a sudden death

While you can never feel completely prepared for a death, a sudden death leaves a person feeling particularly vulnerable. It is not possible to address all of the many emotions exclusive to the different types of sudden death, such as murder, suicide, or traumatic accident. However, there are some similar issues and specific feelings that people grieving a sudden death most commonly confront.

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Common Emotions

  • You may feel SHOCK, disbelief, disorientation, or emotional numbness.
  • You may  feel ANGER towards your loved one, yourself, or others.
  • You might replay “what if” and “if only” scenarios in your mind. GUILT is a normal part of the grieving process, not a sign that you are to blame.
  • You may have feelings of DESPAIR or DEPRESSION (including sadness, loneliness, or helplessness). This may affect your sleep or appetite.
  • You may experience CONFUSION while performing even simple tasks. Your feelings of shock and sadness can make it difficult to put your thoughts in order, carry on a conversation, prepare a meal, or keep your home clean.
  • You may feel RELIEF, especially if the death follows a long period of suffering or mental illness

Coping Tips

If it helps to cry, let yourself cry. Accept your emotions as genuine reactions to your loss. There are no "good" or "bad" emotions and no "right" or "wrong" ways to grieve.

Pay attention to the emotions and needs of children, if they have been affected by the loss. If, in your grief, you are unable to console them and attend to their needs, arrange for someone to be with them who can, such as a friend or family member.

Friends, family members, and neighbors are usually glad to help. Keep a list of tasks that need to be done. When someone asks how they can help you, refer to the list. If it helps just to have someone with you, let people know that, too.

Share your thoughts and feelings with someone who will listen and be helpful. It might be a close friend or family member, a spiritual advisor, a professional counselor, or someone who has experienced a similar loss through a support group.

Remember to be kind to yourself. This will be a time of adjustment but try to keep a routine of healthy eating, drinking, sleeping, exercising, and doing things that you enjoy.

Find a way to say goodbye that has meaning for you. In addition to attending a memorial service, you might write a letter to the person, light a candle, or talk to a photo.

Take care when you are in shock after learning of the loss. It is easy to make mistakes when in shock. Surround yourself with people who will keep you safe. Avoid driving and other activities that require concentration. Put off decisions that might have long-term consequences until you are able to think more clearly.

Seek professional help from a psychologist or counselor if you have prolonged difficulty sleeping, eating, or thinking clearly; if you find yourself relying on alcohol or drugs to feel better; if you are concerned about or frightened by your thoughts and emotions; or if you feel that you are at risk of harming yourself. 

Many employers offer mental health assistance through an EAP which is confidential and low cost. This may include free counseling sessions, trainings and workshops, and recommendations for specific needs.

Adapted from John Hopkins University & Medicine

 

 Caring for yourself

Practicing self-care promotes better mental health by providing an opportunity to relax, recharge, and engage in activities that bring joy and fulfillment. Learn how to identify suicide risk in yourself and others.

Learn more

Supporting someone who has lost a loved one

Providing support to someone who lost a loved one can be overwhelming. Here are some tips to help:

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Providing support to someone who lost a loved one

Let them know you're there for them and that you're open to listening. You can also invite them out for coffee or a walk, or send a text to let them know you're thinking of them.

Respect what they choose to share with you and focus on their experience. Allow them to talk freely - they may need to share their story over and over again. Yet, don't press if they don't feel like talking, and be sensitive if they would rather not continue the conversation. Don’t try to provide answers to their unanswerable questions. “I don’t know” is preferable than trying to guess. Avoid clichés (“they are in a better place,” “time heals all wounds”) or compare their grief to yours.

You can help with tasks like housework, errands, or grocery shopping. You can also bring over pre-cooked meals or answer the phone for them. Even offer to help with thank you notes, funeral or estate planning, phone calls, etc. When they are ready, reach out to help them return to regular activities.

Loss survivors grapple with complex feelings after the death of a loved one, such as fear, grief, regret, and anger. Acknowledge and accept all of their feelings, including mood swings. Be compassionate and patient, and provide support with empathy without judgement. Avoid giving advice or trying to explain the loss.

Events like holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries may bring forth emotions and memories of the lost loved one, and emphasize this loved one’s absence. Check in on and use empathy with loss survivors during these times.

Use the name of the person who has died when talking to loss survivors. This shows that you have not forgotten this important person, and can make it easier to talk about what happened. Share memories of the deceased or listen to their favorite music.


Supporting a suicide loss survivor


  • Support them in the same ways listed above (home cooked meals, etc.).
  • Avoid using common phrases such as “committed suicide” since “commit” unintentionally communicates sin or crimes, and “successful suicide” since it implies taking one’s life is a good thing. Instead use “died by suicide.”
  • Those who have lost a loved one to suicide are also at risk of having thoughts of suicide. If you see warning signs ask if they are having thoughts of suicide and get them help. 
  • Offer to help them find support (support groups for survivors of suicide loss, professional grief counseling, etc.).

Checklist following an unexpected death

Things to Do After a Loss

Checklist Following an Unexpected Death

Download the Checklist

Suicide Loss

Learn how grief after a suicide is different than grief after other kinds of death. It is important to note that whatever you are feeling during this time is a human reaction to an extremely stressful loss. You may have feelings of anger, sadness, confusion, and fear, among others.

Learn more

Local Supports

After losing a loved one, you may find yourself needing assistance with some basic needs such as finding fresh food and childcare. You may also be interested in local mental health resources or support groups. Find a variety of resources here.

Resources Support Groups

Community Healing

Ways to Help

Community Healing

Download the Flier

Grief Literacy

Grief literacy is being able to respond to those experiencing grief and loss in ways that bring comfort, and do not bring harm. Improve your grief literacy by watching these short videos from Caring Connections.

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Workgroup Information

The Davis County Loss Survivor Support Team are human service workers and loss survivors from Davis Behavioral Health, the Davis County Health Department, Davis School District, local faith groups, local hospitals, local law enforcement/EMS, Veteran’s Affairs, and more. Our goal is to support loss survivors in the county and to help connect them to resources for help and healing.

Learn more about our workgroup resources

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